Lessons Learned from My 20's

After eating with my mom, I had this huge headache up until starting this post. Thank God it’s over. For a second I thought it was food poisoning and I would've felt horrible if my lunch was thrown up.

 
So while scrolling through Facebook, I came upon Metro Boomin’s - Red Bull Symphonic (Full Performance). By far the coolest thing encountered this month. It reminds me of the time when I played violin in elementary school. Part of the reason I enjoyed being part of the violin club was because of the opportunity to contribute to a harmony. Ever gotten goosebumps from a really good symphony? Check out the video.

 
Happy Birthday to me by the way. 

 

    Big 30 here. I’ve got a couple gray hairs on one of my sideburns and 5 gray hairs in my beard. By the time I’m 35, there won’t be a need to be keeping count. While in the shower today, I thought about writing some of the things learned during my 20’s. Had they been written down, they wouldn’t have been forgotten— so now is the time to restart that process. I remember when I had turned 20, there was this curiosity to know from other people the lessons they learned during their 20’s. I really never understood some of the lessons people wrote about because I’m the type of person who has to learn from experience, never from a lecture. So here it goes:

 

The Top Lessons Learned from my 20’s:

 

Don’t Drink or Do Drugs:

    It’s easier said than done when people say it’s important to keep a sober mind. To be frank, it’s way better when we develop healthy coping skills whenever life kicks us down. When we use drinking or drugs to cope with stress or high risk situations, there’s a chance we will develop a need for more each time we choose to pick up & that’s when things get tricky. Substances like alcohol or opiates, as good as they make us feel, change the chemistry of our brains to the extent that it becomes real hard to stop because our bodies depend on them. 

    I was 19 when I attended my first AA meeting & remain forever grateful about that because I became aware of the wrath of the disease of addiction really helped me put the brakes on the problem I was having. Back then, I used to have a problem with Xanax & it took a lot of willpower and time taking inventory to learn about what that drug could do to me if I were to let the drug use me. I remember someone once telling me, ‘[Drugs:] Learn to use IT, don’t let IT use you!’ That will forever resonate in my memory. 

    Luckily I’ve never been someone who has suffered from drug withdrawals like seizures, the flu, muscle aches and cramps, severe chills and sweats. I’ve always been at the crossroads of my addiction & blessed enough to have the support needed to check and balance my addiction. When we are free from mind altering substances, we optimize the potential of the person we’re capable of becoming.

 

Learn As Much As Possible: 

    When I graduated high school I was really focused on school even though I didn’t know what career path to choose. I had gotten rejected from a magnet school, so all I really wanted to do was work and complete my prerequisites in Junior College. I was really into the restaurant industry— but having learned how to be a barista, a bus-boy, and a server would only take me so far. Then, I tried completing my Bachelor of Fine Arts for Acting when I decided I wanted nothing more with hospitality. 

    Upon discovering my disinterest in performing arts, I decided to take a break and reframe my focus on work. However, that’s also when I was deep into my drug addiction & so one of the things I had to learn was that my mother wasn’t going to tolerate it— so I started learning to live on the street. I never took the time to sell drugs because I knew it wasn’t profitable and certainly not worth the risk. I used school as my means for money but by this point I was living just to use. 

    Either way, this is an experience I could look back on and appreciate because it taught me how to be alone with myself, and the true nature of people & how we should deal with them. 

How To Set Boundaries: 

    If setting boundaries was as easy as hitting the block button on social media, everyone would be an expert at setting boundaries. When I started living on the streets, I used to be so nice to everyone— doing favors, giving out free socks, giving them a few dollars here and there... Eventually I realized I was enabling them. They were just taking advantage of the handout and they were really leaving me broke. 

    Friends would be nice to me simply because I was riding around with a quarter of budd so they knew they could get high for free. I just wanted someone to talk to, but when I realized they were ignoring me, that’s when I knew I had to cut them off. Sometimes there could be someone we meet on the bus and we want to be nice by listening to the small talk— but what if the motherfucker is crazy or talking about conspiracy theories? There’s a line we should draw when we engage with people and it’s up to them whether or not they want to respect these boundaries. If they do— great. If they don’t, it’s important to learn when to tell someone to fuck off. I didn’t learn to be this way until I was 28 after having spent time in jail. 

    There’s no use in being nice to people in jail when they act like fucking animals. The same holds true for the people on the streets. Even the most sophisticated sometimes don’t understand how to respect boundaries. It turns out that common sense isn’t so common after all. Learning to set boundaries determines whether we're going to be miserable with the same person for the next 10 years or being free from drama and really finding true peace.

 

Learn to Be Nice 

    That’s not to say we can’t tell someone, “Fuck Off,” without a smile. Being a nice comes a long way because we never know when we might encounter someone again. That Uber driver taking you home might be the same driver who picks you up during a rainy day…just because he’s hitting on you, doesn’t mean you can’t let them down lightly. Besides…it’s better for someone to act interested rather than not interested at all. 

    Whether we realize it or not, each person we encounter in our lives end up playing a role somehow. It’s important to understand we form a relationship with everyone we engage with out in the world: whether it’s a stranger; our server; the clerk at the convenience store or grocery store; the bartender— we need to be nice to each other because people play a part in determining our reputations the moment we engage with them. Which is going to bring me to my last point (and then I’m going to sleep.)

 

There’s Nothing More Important Than Our Reputation

    Regardless if you know me or not, I don’t care. I should care — but I no longer do because half the shit I had written earlier this year has been removed and I know that I’m in my right frame of mind. The reason this is a lesson I’m writing about is to help prevent others from making the same mistake I did. At an early age I got involved with these dumbass companies, groups, and people. 

    

    There’s no way that I could talk about my past without first having a group of people doing it for me. The reason our reputations are important is because it’s what determines the quality of our lives and the people we are going to be around for the rest of our lives. It’s not to say if we have a bad reputation we won’t be able to get ahead in life— it’s going to be difficult to recover from that, though, it’s going to take a lot of work. In the end, It’s up to you and how you deal with the stress from the external world— however, we will never be able to control the way people react to who the fuck we are. 

    That’s something I’ve learned to deal with by just being the best version of myself so people could realize it’s not the end of the world if we’ve made mistakes.

    From living on the streets of Boulder, CO; back to living in my car in the City of Miami; to being hospitalized more than a dozen times; to the ‘Florida Shuffle’; in and out of half way houses; to spending 28 days in jail; to the false-positive HIV result— I can’t say I’ve been through it all, but it’s more than your average person could handle.

At least I haven’t killed anyone. 

Or myself.

    Every time I’ve been in a tough situation, God throws a person in my path to remind me there’s always someone who has it worse. Every time I start to feel sorry for myself, I just focus on the things which bring joy to my life to pass the time. There are good days and there are bad days— it’s important to remember to take it day-by-day, it’s the only way to stop us from losing our fucking minds.