The Problems with Living at a Homeless Shelter
Writing these blog posts would be the only motivation for me to stay sober right now— & besides that...why the fuck would I want to be a drug addict with straight teeth?
I can't believe I deleted all the writing I had completed.
That work could've been sold as a fiction-novel if I would've taken the time to change some of the names and facts.
The story would've been about a family who conspired against a man after he had betrayed them in the worst way possible.
It's best not to talk about what that person did.
That's what would sell the fucking book. People would die to find out the details by reading that book.
A book isn't going to be written, though.
My birthday is tomorrow-- big 30.
The excitement is definitely not in the air.
No partying. No family get together. It's just another year for me.
Winter holidays are definitely tough for me, especially because of the fact that my family runs real small and we're not as close knit as we were back when my grandmother was alive. She was the glue that kept us together because she was the one calling everyone to invite them to the house for dinner. Those were the good old times. The times taken for granted. I really miss my grandmother. She was crazy, though. The thing I hated about her was the unconditional love she imposed on everyone despite the way they were. My uncles always wreaked havoc on our lives. One was always drinking his life into dysfunction & the other one was a manic-depressive type. We never knew which side of the bed they would wake up on. Either way it went, it affected my grandmother the same.
There's a powerful force responsible for helping me get out of bed. Perhaps it's my hope in the possibility of living a better life. Or maybe it's the fact that I've already gone through the worst quality of life we could ever know. I've lost a lot of interest in the simple things in life: having a girlfriend; having a group of friends to make plans with; playing video games; wanting to become a singer or a rapper.
One might say I'm depressed...really it's just boredom. I really just want to be able to make money. The only thing I enjoy is drinking a coffee while I smoke a cigarrette out in the world. After having been locked up in a hospital more than a dozen times, the only thing I'm grateful to have is the ability to do nothing at all while I enjoy the stillness of the world....cause being at a hospital really fucking sucks-- that's the only thing that's keeping me from relapsing today.
I do feel like getting high today. It's not like I smoke crack, though. I smoke weed and I like a little cocaine here and there. But it's not as bad as getting high on fentanyl or heroin (and no I've never tried it). I've noticed the streets are a lot cleaner, the homeless population here seems close to nonexistent & the guess is that most of them either migrated somewhere else or they fucking died. Lord knows how many people or friends I've lost to this drug epidemic.
I do feel like getting high today. It's not like I smoke crack, though. I smoke weed and I like a little cocaine here and there. But it's not as bad as getting high on fentanyl or heroin (and no I've never tried it). I've noticed the streets are a lot cleaner, the homeless population here seems close to nonexistent & the guess is that most of them either migrated somewhere else or they fucking died. Lord knows how many people or friends I've lost to this drug epidemic.
Whether or not they're alive is out of the question-- the point is, things are not the same anymore and I can't find a friend who just doesn't want to use. It's typical for me to be walking down the street when I encounter someone who is attractive but then I'll notice the burns beneath their nostrils or how they act erratically-- or most importantly, I can't help but notice the fact that they're alone. The most important fact I've ever read from Neil Strauss's book The Game was, 'If they're alone, it's most likely they're crazy.' That point has been proven time and time again when I've approached single women and realized the only thing they were looking for was someone with money or drugs.
Why does it feel like everyone I encounter on the streets is a drug addict or an addict of some form?
Last night, I was feeling so discouraged because I still haven't found a job...even started looking into the best places to be homeless. That's when I started reading the horror stories on Reddit, about what people experience at the homeless shelters in New York. It seemed a lot like the homeless resource system at Boulder, Colorado.
Why does it feel like everyone I encounter on the streets is a drug addict or an addict of some form?
Last night, I was feeling so discouraged because I still haven't found a job...even started looking into the best places to be homeless. That's when I started reading the horror stories on Reddit, about what people experience at the homeless shelters in New York. It seemed a lot like the homeless resource system at Boulder, Colorado.
There's an intake process where we have to show up and prove homelessness & then they assign us to a shelter at random. It doesn't matter if we work in Brooklyn, there's still a chance they'll assign you a shelter in Queens or the Bronx. It's not even so much the fact they'll just put you wherever the fuck-- it's the conditions they put us in and the shit people have to deal with..whether it's the staff or the homeless people themselves. I don't even have to paraphrase what people said...from experience at a shelter myself, it's not pleasant:
Politicians are like, 'Oh, they're crazy-- throw them in the hospital!'
People will read the news and they'll just be like, 'Homeless people just don't want to work.'
Meanwhile, the people trying to figure out a solution for the homeless come to realize these people don't want help half the time because they either suffer from a mental illness or they're living with the disease of addiction-- they can't stop getting high because it's the only thing keeping them alive...cause at that point their brains molecular structure has been reorganized to depend on the very drug they are fighting to use.
People aren't educated enough about the disease of addiction. People think it's something that could be controlled by the mind, that we just don't know any better-- & that's exactly what it is...the people suffering from addiction really DON'T know any better.
It's so sad to see that the majority of the population still hasn't become aware about who Bill W. was and his role in forming the very organization building support for these people. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous was written during the 1930's and the notion is that addiction is a phenomenon where we can't fight something called a 'craving.' In the Doctor's Opinion, Silkworth describes the five different types of alcoholics (I like to call it the 5 different types of addicts), and the thing they all have in common (even the normal drinkers) is the fact that we all develop the craving for more.
To me, it doesn't matter whether we are alcoholics, addicted to narcotics, work, money, or sex-- people don't have the capacity to fight the fact that we always want more.
The people who say they've read the Big Book & are still in the cycle of relapsing are full of shit because they don't STUDY the Big Book. The Big Book has to be dissected and broken down like a complex math problem. It's written using the most sophisticated form of English and it cannot be replicated. That's why i prefer the Big Book over NA, CA, SA, or CoDA. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous could change lives if it were implemented into the educational curriculum starting as soon as the 6th grade-- cause THAT'S when we really start experimenting with the things our parents are telling us NOT to do. I mean, honestly, why the fuck are we breaking verses down from shit like Shakespeare (shit no one is interested in) or even learning stupid shit about American History when it can't even be applied to the real world?
I lost my virginity at 13. What the fuck do these rich parents know about what their kids are doing on their personal time when they're just throwing money at Aftercare programs which fail to continue building our awareness about the harsh realities about the world?
I wish I would've known about gangs, drugs, and sex when I was 12, and the effects of alcoholism and it's capacity to turn into the disease of addiction. I didn't know shit about what these things could do. There's a big difference between having a problem with a substance and being an addict with a problem with a substance. Having a problem with a substance could be fixed. On the other hand, addicts having a problem with a substance are dying left and right.
In the end, it doesn't matter how many groups are formed to pass out needles, food, and clothing. It doesn't matter if we provide shelters and help out the one's in need...in the end we're still enabling them use use... and the truth is people are going to die because they cannot and will not stop because they don't have the capacity to be honest with themselves or even care about each other.
I'm really annoyed right now, man. Cause there's such a lack of compassion and understanding for this topic. The media specializes in pushing the next trend so people could keep their minds occupied: first it was that everyone wanted to get into real-estate, then it was that people should start getting into e-commerce and drop-shipping, then it was social media marketing, & now it's cybersecurity and computer programming. Fuck this shit, man.
Homelessness is never going to be solved until we could do the following things:
- They only let us in a couple hours before they allow us to sleep.
- They wake us up early and kick us out before we could even wash our ass.
- There's fecal matter all over the bathroom shower.
- Most of the time the toilets are close to not being usable because they're clogged up with shit and toilet paper.
- Forget about the food...
- People always looking to start a fight or looking to steal your shit.
- Then there are the people with mental problems who won't wash their ass.
Politicians are like, 'Oh, they're crazy-- throw them in the hospital!'
People will read the news and they'll just be like, 'Homeless people just don't want to work.'
Meanwhile, the people trying to figure out a solution for the homeless come to realize these people don't want help half the time because they either suffer from a mental illness or they're living with the disease of addiction-- they can't stop getting high because it's the only thing keeping them alive...cause at that point their brains molecular structure has been reorganized to depend on the very drug they are fighting to use.
People aren't educated enough about the disease of addiction. People think it's something that could be controlled by the mind, that we just don't know any better-- & that's exactly what it is...the people suffering from addiction really DON'T know any better.
It's so sad to see that the majority of the population still hasn't become aware about who Bill W. was and his role in forming the very organization building support for these people. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous was written during the 1930's and the notion is that addiction is a phenomenon where we can't fight something called a 'craving.' In the Doctor's Opinion, Silkworth describes the five different types of alcoholics (I like to call it the 5 different types of addicts), and the thing they all have in common (even the normal drinkers) is the fact that we all develop the craving for more.
To me, it doesn't matter whether we are alcoholics, addicted to narcotics, work, money, or sex-- people don't have the capacity to fight the fact that we always want more.
The people who say they've read the Big Book & are still in the cycle of relapsing are full of shit because they don't STUDY the Big Book. The Big Book has to be dissected and broken down like a complex math problem. It's written using the most sophisticated form of English and it cannot be replicated. That's why i prefer the Big Book over NA, CA, SA, or CoDA. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous could change lives if it were implemented into the educational curriculum starting as soon as the 6th grade-- cause THAT'S when we really start experimenting with the things our parents are telling us NOT to do. I mean, honestly, why the fuck are we breaking verses down from shit like Shakespeare (shit no one is interested in) or even learning stupid shit about American History when it can't even be applied to the real world?
I lost my virginity at 13. What the fuck do these rich parents know about what their kids are doing on their personal time when they're just throwing money at Aftercare programs which fail to continue building our awareness about the harsh realities about the world?
I wish I would've known about gangs, drugs, and sex when I was 12, and the effects of alcoholism and it's capacity to turn into the disease of addiction. I didn't know shit about what these things could do. There's a big difference between having a problem with a substance and being an addict with a problem with a substance. Having a problem with a substance could be fixed. On the other hand, addicts having a problem with a substance are dying left and right.
In the end, it doesn't matter how many groups are formed to pass out needles, food, and clothing. It doesn't matter if we provide shelters and help out the one's in need...in the end we're still enabling them use use... and the truth is people are going to die because they cannot and will not stop because they don't have the capacity to be honest with themselves or even care about each other.
I'm really annoyed right now, man. Cause there's such a lack of compassion and understanding for this topic. The media specializes in pushing the next trend so people could keep their minds occupied: first it was that everyone wanted to get into real-estate, then it was that people should start getting into e-commerce and drop-shipping, then it was social media marketing, & now it's cybersecurity and computer programming. Fuck this shit, man.
Homelessness is never going to be solved until we could do the following things:
- The price of rent needs to decrease.
- Jobs need to start paying more than they do.
- People need to stop selling dirty drugs on the streets.
- We should even consider legalizing narcotics just as how we regulated the marijuana industry so the underground market could be toppled.
- People need to start learning about the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous at an early age to understand the disease of addiction.
- What the fuck is Jeff Bezos and guys like Elon Musk doing with their wealth? I'm reading on the news about jobs being added last November? Where the fuck are the jobs because all I could seem to find are call centers, Amazon delivery driver positions, and jobs requiring us to have a degree of some sort.
Fuck the cops cause they think that referring people to a doctor is always the solution.
That's all I have for today and thanks for letting me share.
That's all I have for today and thanks for letting me share.
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