Navigating Without a Roadmap

I'm just…working my way through life with the same regard I have when learning about Cybersecurity…without a roadmap...without a  fucking clue of what it's bout sometimes. 

Where to start?

How to apply what I learn?

When to stop? 

    Cybersecurity has to be one of those fields of study where people have an advantage if they start working with computers at an early age.  I started using computers at 4, but I never spent too much time around them unless it was a computer the form of a game boy.

“It was 2017 when I discovered the term ‘ethical hacking’ and ‘Linux’.”

    Never in my life did it occur to me I should learn a programming language.  The only languages I ever wanted to speak were English, Spanish, French…a little German— but never Python, or Java, or PHP.  It just never interested me!  I’m decent at math but I would never grow past college algebra— trigonometry and calculus were subjects too scary for me to learn.  

    I wasn’t scared to learn psychology through acting, though— but now I’m terrified of being out on the streets despite my self proclaimed expertise on human behavior and how to handle people.  People on the streets are unpredictable.  If I were that good I would’ve been a criminal profiler.  

 

    I guess I’ve just always been a student with an average attention span.  Oh, but— how could I forget, I started smoking pot at an early age— so that’s where I fucked up.  We all have the power of free will for choosing what we dedicate our time to. Growing up, I dedicated my time to video games, chasing girls, and smoking weed, so guess where my life turned out?  If there’s one thing I wish I would’ve done differently growing up, I would’ve never smoked pot at 15.  Soon as I told my friends, I was part of this strange world where drugs take priority over any basic human necessity...because money could be made with expediency and because everybody loves getting high.  

 

    You know what getting high has done for me?  Nothing.  It's destroyed my mind.  I've spent periods with manic-depression writing about things which weren't really there.  I've destroyed the relationships with family and friends.  I've wasted time and effort on getting high when I should be developing myself as a person...and...you know what? 

 

    Whether we realize it or not, we all reach a crossroad where we have to choose a path we can’t ever turn back on.  Very few are lucky to hit the reset button and make changes.  I'm really lucky to be sitting here at 30 years old with the mind I have now.  There are people who can't follow fucking directions for their lives.  Look at Kodak Black, for example...

 

    Today, I realized I’m not really interested in the field of cybersecurity anymore. Although a career in the field could be highly lucrative, it’s very competitive and I know I don’t have an advantage because I jumped on the bandwagon at a very late start. I’m a little all over the place and I’m wasting time because without a formal roadmap, I'm basically wasting time and energy. That’s when I asked myself, ‘What am I really good at and what is it I’m really wanting out of life?’ 

To be honest, I just want a regular 9-5 working with a company that will help me continue professional development, have stability, and we earn steady income.  

        I don’t want to sell health insurance. 

        I don’t want to be knocking on doors asking people if they want to remodel their homes. 

I’d just like to work within a field where there’s plenty to learn, where I could build relationships— cause that’s where my strong suit is.  If I’m good at anything, it’s making sure that I’m relating to people in a way where they’re comfortable coming back to me the next time they need a favor.  I’m very business oriented and I’m guessing there’s a reason why I always got along with my dealer back in the day.  

 

Times have changed.  Now, I don’t need to engage with a dealer because I could literally just walk into a pharmacy and buy weed.  If anything, I build a relationship with the budd-tender, but those relationships are so superficial— & there’s no longevity from those interactions.  It’s not like I’m going to be buying pounds of weed everyday.  

 

I have my eyes on something within my neck of the woods & I’m certain that I could reach my goals if I really dedicated my time to achieving them in the same manner I did when I was living out on the streets trying to survive and getting high.  I succeeded at staying alive...what's stopping me from being successful? 

I realized I no longer have to fight because I’m no longer getting high. 

 I don’t have to get high.   

Back then, when I was happy, I chose to get high.  

When I was sad, I chose to get high.  

When I was angry, I chose to get high.  

Life has taught me I shouldn’t use getting high as a coping mechanism for helping me get through these moments.  

    What I really need is to develop a passion for something I’m good at so that I’m not wasting anymore time…so I’m able to develop the personal relationships with the people I’ve always wanted.  

This week I attended a job interview (more like a job presentation) for a billion dollar company…they sell health insurance.  I was so intrigued by the manner in which the presenter carried himself.   

He clearly had more money than he could dream of.  

He was a family man.  

He was really out-spoken. 

I thought to myself, 

“Damn I really wanna be like that.” 

    I want to be able to walk into a room, and without even saying a word, be the person everyone wants to be around.  That is why I’m grateful for my health and for the education I’ve attained up to this point— because I know that I’ve built a foundation and the mindset to get to the point I want to be at.  

 

    It’s not about how much money we make, it’s about the relationships we cultivate with the people in our environment and the ways we’re able to be of service to our communities.  That’s where the fulfillment comes from.

 

    I’ve realized in any aspect in our lives, if we don’t have a roadmap or a plan to achieve our goals, we’re just going to be wasting time and energy, and by the time we realize it, we’re going to be close to retirement wondering where we went wrong— wishing we could’ve picked the other path back when we were at the crossroads.  

        

     There are 24 hours in a day and everyone has the same opportunity to be as successful or unsuccessful as they'd like.  You know, if it's that easy for me to be a criminal because there are laws to break, why can't I put that same amount of effort into living a life of excellence?  

Cause if it were that easy, everyone would be doing it.