Homelessness is a Choice?

This is me trying to say what I want to say without trying to say it,

"I was never raised or taught to discriminate."

Somewhere along the way, growing up, I lost my mind and started exploring the limits of my boundaries. 

It might sound funny but…I never thought I’d let anyone play with my ass. 

    Some say I was born this way. Others might’ve blamed New World. I’m just a very particular person and I like to gain an understanding— let’s put it that way. I’m more of an educated version of the dude offering cheese burgers from the movie Don’t Be a Menace— except I’m not out here selling cheeseburgers, man.  

    The level of desperation a person needs to reach to make certain choices for the sake of their survival would be at the peak of not having anything at all: When you don’t have money for food; when all you want to do is get high; when all you want is to control your significant other; when you can’t find a job…

    My problem was that I wanted to get high all the time. Getting high in conjunction with looking for sex through casual relationships would be the recipe for a dysfunctional relationship with self, not just with those around me.  

    Eventually, this would incapacitate me from being able to hold a job or even wanting one. I felt I had exhausted all my options. I tried my hardest to learn as much as possible about learning to make money…but at 18,19,20…all I ever focused on was going to school, studying to be an actor. I didn’t know shit about the theater— I was just a good bullshitter…same way I was when I played football…or even basketball at the park.  

I’m just playing…

    I’ve always been athletic—I was just soft, I never had a competitive edge. I was good enough to say I had potential. That athleticism would be tested later on in life while working for a company on the Beach…but this story isn’t about that.  

My point would be to explain the logic behind some of my choices.  

Let’s make one thing clear: I wanted to be a professional actor. 

    Getting comfortable with who we are allows us to be more in control of our character— this allows us to become better actors. I don’t like men. How cool is it that I don’t have a problem with them, though? The idea was to be famous, but when I realized what my choice had done to my reputation, that’s when I started to regret speaking out so blatantly about it.  

Cause if I hadn’t told anyone, no one would know today.  

    Even when I don’t tell anyone, there’s someone in the room who has seen my work— and it’s the most amusing when they think I can’t handle the pressure from criticism. I’m annoyed, but I’m not gonna lose sleep over what people say…everyone is entitled to their own opinion. The majority don’t even know what drives a person to reach the point where they want to profit as sex workers. 

Fortunately, for me, I only acted out on set, I never went ahead and started escorting privately— that’s just not who I am. I’d rather sit on a bus bench for the rest of the night than to spend my time with someone who wants to control me…guy or girl. People are nuts to think that I continue in that line of work.  

    Currently, I’m facing the repercussions. Yes.  Even 6 years later. I’m just glad that name never truly took off because I wouldn’t have had the same social media presence I have now. I’ve always deleted my profiles because I don’t see how the content could benefit my audience. Aside from that, I was friends with a whole bunch of people I really didn’t know…what the fuck did they care about my personal life?

    I was suffering from grandiosity and it’s a typical attribute of someone who is from Miami and doesn’t understand the way the world works…my father thought I’d be a joyful simpleton: going to the clubs and dancing it up every weekend, promoting for DJs, eventually following in his footsteps…

He doesn’t understand the aesthetic I’m looking to represent— the club promoter wasn’t it. 

    The people I chilled with never cared about the color of our skin or who we liked, they only cared about the principles and values we lived by…on the street it’s real simple:

• don’t steal
• don’t hurt anyone
• don’t fuck with women, children, and the elders.

Being homeless IS a choice. There’s a lot of power that comes from being in that position. But that power doesn’t come without having to make sacrifices. And making these sacrifices takes a lot of fucking risk. If someone were to ask me: 

“Hex, how would you solve the war on drugs?” 

I would say,

"By keeping it the way it is.  If there are people who don’t want to get the help, why not use the dichotomy of this environment and integrate it into a universal social caste system?"

A form of punishment. A form of law and order. 

    If yall think that I’m a menace to society, I can’t imagine what yall would think about the violent sexual offenders looking for a place of refuge….this is voicing the unvoiced. I was writing about this last month and somehow the idea came up in this writing. This is why I’ve always made the suggestion how rules and regulations regarding the way we use the internet ought to be refined for the sake of our mental wellness. 

    When people don’t understand the effect things we see on the internet have on our brains, it could really change individuals, & thus jeopardizes communities. Having an addiction to the internet is a thing and we’re constantly disregarding the effect it’s having on people around the world. Yeah, it’s great that we’re able to access vasts amounts of information…but at what point do we need to draw the line? What about misinformation? How do we get a grip on that? What about the people creating the YouTube Channels exploring conspiracy theories, or channels with the most toxic niches? 

    I used to be someone losing their minds over content regarding conspiracy theories and shit…Fuck the internet, man. I was never raised to be gay.  

    The exposure to whatever culture this country is trying to get us to embrace changed the traditional beliefs I used to have about what was appropriate and what was not.  

    Smoking weed wasn’t something I condoned till I was in high school (because everyone else was doing it). I never truly understood the concept of urban warfare until I started to observe my surroundings. I never truly understood what victims of bigotry and racism faced until I put myself in their shoes.  

    Even though I say homelessness is a choice, I still find it pretty offensive to even say that….because without having an understanding of the circumstances leading to that predicament, we’re only prone to being biased.  

    That’s why it’s important to have sympathy for the homeless…cause you don’t understand what has to happen for them to want to get fucked just to be able to get a plate to eat.