Highlighting the Struggle of Overcoming Challenges

    Growing up I had the discipline to go to school everyday, however, I never had an actual plan. I thought I wanted to study theater, so I stuck with that. When I wasn’t in school, I was busy trying to learn about what life was like…cause I wasn’t really allowed to go out up until I turned 18. 

    Started doing drugs while living with my parents. It wasn’t until 17 that I started to use molly. Toward the end of my senior year I really learned what it was to be by myself because my mother and I would fight all the time over my drug use and she would just tell me not to come back home until I wasn’t high anymore. 

    Right from then, my relationships became more artificial.  What I had learned on the streets was that there was always something people wanted, whether it’s drugs, sex, or money— and that’s all I seemed to chase at one point entering my 20s.  So next, my relationships became transactional.  

    I was only hanging out with people because they did me favors or because it benefited me in someway…whether this person was gonna smoke me out or give me what I wanted became all that mattered. My relationships became more difficult to develop and maintain because I wasn’t bringing anything to the table. 

    People respected me because I went to school, but eventually people would see that I’m a phony because I just didn’t get the point. School isn’t about being the big man on campus…

    I remember a professor telling us it’s about finding that one idea that will build the foundation for our financial independence, “that Golden Idea.” 

    But I just couldn’t comprehend it. Aside from the Mollies, I was trying to take benzos, sneaking them from my uncle or my grandmothers pill bottle. People from Phillips Park could tell something was wrong with me whenever I’d try going out to play basketball. 75% of the time, I wouldn’t get along with my friends and I would end up going back home. The people I had started hanging out with were only looking after their best interests and only saw me as a customer, I was going to school & worst of all I couldn’t hold a job. There was a pattern where I would work (almost on a quarterly basis).  

i.e. I would work the entire summer,
then quit (right before school started).
Then, try getting another job, quit after a month—
and use that last check to buy weed or whatever.

Then I started looking for odd jobs. Then I didn’t want to work at all. I started living on the streets by choice. Could’ve helped my mom out. I just didn’t. 

If someone asked me, “Why is homelessness offensive?” 

I didn’t know it was. I didn’t know it could be. 

    I’ve felt insulted in the presence of a homeless man before…imagine that— and I’ve been homeless before. But it really is a choice because the only reason I’m not home was cause I started drinking and using drugs.  

When I looked in the mirror, I was thinking, “Poor me, everyone is going to feel bad for me because of how hard I’ve worked.” 

    But I was wrong, because I’ve realized what seemed like my best moments, were actually some of the worst. I was actually suffering from a disease of addiction in the midst of it those moments.

&

It’s a constant battle. 

What do you think I learned in rehab? 

Has anyone ever wondered

Why don’t the homeless go to jail?